After the discussion on eCommerce and entrepreneurialship in Memphis, I moved over to a conversation on “Social Etiquette” facilitated by Dave Barger. This session started with about ten of us sitting around a table simply discussing what social media meant to our lives and our privacy and how some felt over exposed and/or unwittingly exposed by well meaning friends.
Have you ever been at a party and knowing it was a weekend, or a special celebration, had a little more to drink than you normally would, or done something you ended up regretting when you heard about it in the morning? In days gone by, these events and happenings ended up among friends and if people had pictures, they were circulated, but eventually the event faded away. In today’s Social Media world, this is no longer the reality. There are many times we have pictures of us posted and tagged by friends we would rather keep private, and once it is online, it is out there, almost forever. We have reached a point in our society where we no longer have complete control over how we are portrayed. This is the situation and scenario we discussed at great length during this session.
We are not fully aware of how our online personas are viewed, and we definitely do not know who is viewing them. What happens if that picture of you with a beer in your hand and a “dazed” look on your face finds its way into a search for you on Facebook by a potential employer? What happens when a person with an ax to grind starts posting things about you on your MySpace page? It is evident the idea of personal privacy is no longer completely viable in today’s upload and go society. Can we really expect any level of privacy or control considering how easy it is for someone, anyone, to publish about us without our consent.
We started with the idea of an “Etiquette Manifesto” which would dictate proper social behavior, however, it quickly became apparent this idea, while good, is not really attainable. The idea of using the “Golden Internet Rule” was posted to Zannel.com by bkmontgomery, “Do/IM/Email unto others as you would have them Do/IM/Email unto you”, however, following this would take something that seems to be in short supply: Common Sense. Yes I know that seems to be a bit cynical, but how else can you explain people posting pictures and videos of themselves doing things you KNOW they will regret in a few years, maybe even just a few weeks.
Knowing this propensity for people to post, or have posted things about them which may have been better left unposted, I shared a philosophy with the group I have taken when hiring new people where I work. I do NOT search social media sites for them and I do not Google their names unless I have reason to believe there may be an issue I need to address before hiring them. People need to be given room to be human beings. The group stated we tend to equate how people are at work with how they are outside of work. That notion is a fallacy. One person stated we need to give people room to be Human and make the kinds of decisions and, possibly mistakes, that make a person who they are and who they will become.
Why then do we post so much of ourselves out on sites such as Myspace, Twitter, Zannel, etc.? Daniel Pritchard, the facilitator from the FriendFeed session as you may recall, stated and posted this nugget online:
Why do we share on social networks? Because every 3rd time we log in there’s reinforcement waiting for us. X likes you! Y read your post! Z wants to learn more about you!
That, of course is the answer. We like to get positive feedback and we, as social beings, like the interaction such sites tend to bring. This interaction disarms us and causes us to look at the social interactions in a false light. We think we are having a “private” or “semi-private” conversation, however, these interactions are more public than we normally would allow ourselves to be in real life. Michael Rowe, aka godorito, posted this nugget of wisdom I then reposted and I post here as well.
I think this is the replacement for talking to someone at a club, or on the front porch. It isn’t that there is more information available from an individual, but a broader reach.
In a nutshell, social sites are the new water cooler/campfire in our society. The problem with this campfire is it isn’t just “us” listening but the whole world. At the end of the session, the group referred back to the “Etiquette Manifesto” and decided rather than publish rules we knew would not really be followed, it would be better served if we remembered and watched the series of videos that really state the reality of today’s world by Steve Rambum – Privacy is DEAD – Get over it!
2 Comments
November 17, 2008 at 7:25 am
You’re very appreciated for the great posts about BarCampMemphis. Thank you.
The Etiquette conversation took a turn to Privacy, and when we returned to etiquette, we went right back to privacy issues. This was centered around the issue of people who were priveledged to a non-public (private?) exchange in-turn publicizing it. In essence, violating an agreement to privacy.
I’m for the Golden Rule and believe that those lacking the aforementioned Common Sense are for the most part, “youth”. I’m hopeful that “common” sense to me at age 44 is more greatly defined than at 24. I agree that playing is perfectly human. I’d agree that hypocrisy is also human, but I find it a flaw that fits the notion of not acknowledging that we do have play selves that are different from our work selves. In reviewing my experience of people that shun a personal life beyond a professional one:
1) I find that there are people who have a personal life but deny it, and
2)I find that there are people who don’t have a personal life other than making conversation about those that do (and I think they need to “get a life”).
Chronicling our perspectives and experiences has been going on for a long time. There’s a benefit to keeping a private journal that’s not related to views, comments, or link-backs. With more recent privacy options, we are able to stratify who sees what.
I didn’t walk away feeling the Etiquette Manifesto was to pass. I put the beginnings of a basic framework up on a wetpaint wiki.
Privacy is NOT DEAD. It’s redefined. Steve Rambum needs to get over it. The statement is akin to the guy talking about the shutters being up or down. It’s extremist headline building.
This discussion at BarCamp was a favorite of mine, and it was great to have such a variety of perspectives there. I’m continually fascinated by the cultural evolution enabled by “social” technologies and daily reminders that the Long Tail is flourishing. It’s fantastic!
November 17, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I agree the issue is “centered around the issue of people who were priveledged to a non-public (private?) exchange in-turn publicizing it.” however, I do not think an Etiquette Manifesto will fix that problem.
I liken it to the argument some raise against Gun Control, any legislation, or in this case, TOS, or agreement at login, only affects those who would have followed the social norm in the first place. You and I think twice before posting something that was released to us in a semi-private way. Others do not/will not do so as they see it as their right and in some cases compulsion to post every small iota of data they encounter.
I do have to disagree with the notion Common Sense is missing in “youth”, unless by encapsulating it, you meant it to take on a meta meaning akin to experience or other measure of maturity. I have seen 18-20 year olds with an enormous collection of common sense and 50 year olds who don’t have the common sense to “get in out of the rain” as my mother used to say.
I do agree Privacy isn’t dead, but I wonder if it is not so fundamentally changed by today’s always on society, that we can no longer recognize it as the “privacy” we knew and maintained even just a decade ago. From Gvt. sponsored invasions of personal privacy to people posting break-up arguments on YouTube, it is a much different world today.
I do not want to leave the impression an Etiquette Manifesto is not needed and I would be happy to contribute, but I AM left to wonder if it will be any better than a band-aid on a gunshot wound. I guess we can only try.